How Do I Get There?

The Orient brings shallow breath,
Tightness,
In contrary to its label and practice,
Which is also my practice.

Europe,
You call my name.
Europe,
Can't you wait?
Europe, Europe, Europe...

I don't know how to get to you...


For the past month, I've been planning to teach in China. I've researched various cities, talked to a recruiter for a reputable English language company, signed up for a Mandarin Chinese class. I've been offered a job in Qindao, a small city on the coast built by Germans and famous for its beer.

However, the Mandarin flies in one ear and out the other, never sticking. A dull ache pounds my stomach whenever I tell someone I'm moving to China and that person is inevitably more excited about my new job prospect than I am. I get anxious and afraid. My body and mind are rebelling against China.

So why do it? A year and a half of working in China will pay off my students loans and give me enough savings to study at a university in Spain, which is my dream. China is a stepping stone. And my feet keep slipping.

In my life, I follow my heart and listen to what my gut tells me. My gut tells me to skip China and just move straight to Madrid where I want to work on my masters degree. Europe is where I want to settle down and live my life. When I think about living in Madrid, warmth spreads from my heart outward and I can't help but smile. I don't feel any fear, just calm.

So why not do it? I won't have time to get a job while I'm working on the masters degree, because it's basically like a graduate assistantship. I'll need to earn the money to live on before I begin the program. Plus my student loans from my bachelors degree knock louder every day. I can't go to Madrid without a good stash of cash.

Now my big question is: Here in Tennessee, can I earn enough money between now and next August to warrant skipping China? Should I even try or just go to China?